Doctor Mario's Unexpected Patient
by I Will Achieve Vikturi
Summary: Doctor Mario almost never has patients. But when a certain Hero stumbles in, he has to save him before it is too late. (Doctor Mario was not listed in the games for categories, so it was made into Smash Bros.) -Slight humor, enough for a rating.


Doctor Mario's office was never busy, at least not too much. This allows him to care for his patients better than anyone else, given he does give a few wrong diagnoses. Heck, he had once said that Link had Hepatitis when he was just very sick! That had gotten the Hero worried for quite some time, making whatever plagued him even worse. That is, until the short doctor found out he just had a virus.

People were so fed up with his false diagnoses that they even made fun of him through a song.

But now as he was straightening out files of his different patients in alphabetical order, someone knocked on the door. He perked up and immediately shuffled to the door, and when he opened it a green clad boy stumbled in. He looked terrible; his skin was littered with different scratches of all sizes and shapes, where he was bleeding a considerable amount, parts of his tunic were torn, and he seemed to have a missing tooth. Each shallow intake of breath was very ragged and easy to hear. His eyes were half-lidded and glazed over, and he was covered in white feathers. Overall he looked as though he were about to pass out.

"Link? What happened to you?" he dared to ask, stepping closer.

He said nothing. Instead he took slow and heavy steps to a nearby table, where he tried to sit on the cushony top. But his first attempt failed, as only his head and arms made it. Ever so slowly, with Doctor Mario's help, he was able to set himself almost comfortably on top, where he sat hunched over and looked down at the small medic.

"Crazy...cuccoo fight...only to get...this." He gestured down at himself. He dropped his sword and shield from his hands and lurched forward. The smaller reacted quickly and grabbed a nearby wastebin, handing it to the young man. He bent down further until his face was in the can and quickly emptied the contents of his stomach.

"You were right to come to me about this," he said softly when Link had finished. He rested his head in his hands, his elbows sitting atop his knees. Doctor Mario could easily see that he was extremely weak and shaky, his skin drastically pale. When he grabbed one of his arms to see how bad the scratches were, he gasped and quickly took his arm back.

"I take it they got you pretty good?"

"Don't want to...talk about it," he moaned.

"Well, you have to. I'm the doctor and have to know what happened." He spared a glance down at Link's sword; it was clear he had killed some of the cuccoos, as there was blood all over it and a feather stuck to it.

When he saw that Link was sluggishly and unknowingly rubbing the back of his head, he grabbed something that the Hylian knew as a strange-looking ice pack.

"Hold this to your head."

He nodded and grabbed it with his shaky left hand and pressed it firmly to the sore spot. He had hit his head earlier in Kakariko Village while trying to get away from the hoard of raging cuccoos.

"Now do me a favor and take as deep a breath as you can. I need to listen to your heartbeat."

The doctor cringed slightly when he placed his stethoscope to the boy's chest. His heartbeat was very fast and irregular, and Link's hyperventilation was not helping with that, either. He left for a moment to grab something out of a nearby drawer. Link couldn't tell what it was through his blurred vision, but whatever it was it looked sharp.

"Those cuts were infected pretty quickly. I'm going to have to give you this for it." He held up a rather long needle filled with a strange orange liquid. Link grunted and pushed himself back, shaking his head quickly all the while.

"Y-You know I hate needles..."

"Yes, I know, but you have to take it. That infection is not going to cure itself, and if you refuse you may die of it soon. Now hold out your arm for me."

Before holding out his arm as he was told to, someone else came in the door with what looked like a rabid green blob with spikes for feet. They both jumped at the sound of it growling at them, though the smaller of the two looked more livid.

"Doctor Mario," the female voice under thick red and orange armor called, "I need your help. My pet here is very aggressive for what seems no reason."

He snarled at the masked woman, "Samus, how many times must I tell you this? I am a doctor, not a veterinarian. Can't you read the sign over there? I had specifically banned that monstrosity you call a pet from this office. Plus, I'm taking care of a possibly dying Hero here."

Link looked down at him slowly, "Why...did you ban her pet?"

Without any warning, and as if on cue, the weird blob thing launched out of her arms and flew right over to Link, latching itself onto his head and covering his entire face. He cried out in pain as the spikes dug into his neck to the point of drawing blood, him obviously struggling to grab it and tear it off him. He fell down to the floor, writhing and squirming as he slowly found a handhold. Both Samus and Mario grabbed her disgusting pet and ripped it off his head.

It was making the oddest sounds, a mix between squealing and what sounded like super fast high-pitched talking. Mario threw it back into Samus's arms.

"Get out of here before I make you! That thing nearly killed Link!"

No further persuasion was needed as she rushed out of there. He groaned and turned back to Link, who lay sprawled out on the floor of his office, gasping and struggling to breathe. Beads of sweat began forming around his entire frame, a clear indication he was running a fever. Doctor Mario helped him up off the floor and back onto the tabletop. He then grabbed the needle again, and this time Link did not hesitate in holding up his arm.

He grimaced as the sharp metal was pushed into his arm and right into one of his veins.

"There. That should begin working in no time. Now lie down and get some rest. After everything that's happened with you recently you need to sleep. It will also help the antidote run more efficiently."

He grabbed a nearby bottle filled with what seemed to be a red potion imported from Hyrule.

"Take this now before you go to sleep, and you will have to again when you wake up."

Link had already lied down, not expecting anything more to be said or given to him. Doctor Mario smiled and slid his left arm under his shoulders to help him up a little. He single-handedly uncorked the glass bottle and tipped it to his lips, and Link slowly drank it until it was empty. He was then eased back down, where he sluggishly closed his eyes as he was yanked into unconsciousness.

He had to spend the next few days in his office while he slowly recovered from his illness, doing whatever the doctor said. He drank the potion twice a day, when he woke up and before going to sleep at night. Of course, he spent most of his time asleep anyway, which was to be expected.

As the days went on, breathing had steadily become easier for him, though it was still a chore. His fever had come down considerably, but had yet to break, and his shirtless form was covered in bandages. His quickened pulse had also slowed down drastically compared to the first day when he had stumbled in.

And by the fourth day, he was ready and strong enough to leave. He pulled out a purple rupee to pay for the expenses, but he was quickly stopped.

"No, this one is free. You had come in quite seriously hurt and sick, and it really is quite a nice sight to have you up and well. Now go save Hyrule, do what you do best!"

Link smiled warmly and left in a hurry, knowing he still had to find Princess Zelda. When he left, Doctor Mario sighed and went back to what he had been doing before, shaking his head at his next thought.

"Link has quite a history with cuccoo abuse, doesn't he?"


End file.
